My reluctant activist husband

You have to know my husband (JS) to know how significant his actions for the last few weeks have been.

He is a musician - an artist with lots of ideas in his head for songs, lyrics, books, plays, stories. He just spends so much time making a living - he renovates and rents houses by day and sings and plays guitar at night - that he does not have time to express himself nearly as often as he would like. But he has lots of dreams and someday ...

Lately his days have become even busier since he decided to try a strategy of making videos of his songs - both covers and originals - and put them on Youtube. He bought cameras and a recording machine. He designs the videos, sets some cameras on tripods and puts me in my hands. Then he spend over 20 hours on average editing the sound and video to get them as good as possible without hiring professionals.

In addition, we have both spent hours trying to understand the dynamics of online videos and social media and how you can influence the number of people you reach. It is not easy and it seems to be a moving target, changing all the time.

So it is amazing to me that when a political issue arose in the town where he lives, JS felt it was his duty to respond.

You have to understand that this is a guy who hates to read the newspaper or listen to the news. He does not want to know all the bad things going on in the world on which he cannot have an effect. He always says that those things drive him crazy.

But if there is a situation where he can have a positive impact, he is the first one in line, whether it is loaning money to an old friend who is in jail, or helping  someone who is down on their luck. He does it without an expectation of being paid back. And he is usually right. But he still does it.

So I was very surprised to walk in a few weeks ago to find JS studying a map and some documents that arrived by certified mail from the city planning office. He lives in a college town and for years the city has been trying to balance the needs of the year-round residents and the thousands of students who rent houses near the university.

One way to limit the conflicts has been to pass ordinances limiting the number of unrelated people that can live in areas zoned for single family residences. Of course, when the new rules were passed, there were a number of places that were grandfathered in to the old rules. They could continue to rent the houses but were prohibited from making any structural changes. Over time, the idea was that the concentrations of students would be reduced to a level that promoted more harmony with the local families.

Now, some landlords are asking for exceptions to the rules, and there is a draft of a plan that would essentially move more students into the area in which my husband lives. None of the single family home owners realized this was happening until the certified mail came. JS went to a work session of the city council, spoke against the plan and came home worried that it was going to be passed rapidly as a "pilot," targeted at his neighborhood.

JS started calling neighbors and knocking on doors, looking up details about the plan, emailing copies to the people who were interested. He got the notice of the neighborhood council and was asked to join. He hesitated, afraid that he would be working or traveling during the meetings. But he prepared to speak once again at next work session of the City Council where this topic was to be discussed.

The night before the meeting, we sat and talked about his part in all this.JS was really struggling. "I just want to be an artist," he said. "I wish I could ignore this, but I just can't."

I hoped a good night's sleep would make him more positive about the meeting, but he awoke filled with anxiety. It was another packed day, too. He had agreed to be in a student film for a young man he met while singing at a local bar, and we had friends coming into town for lunch at his house. (I could have made lunch, but he wanted to make tomato bisque and cheese sandwiches on his homemade bread.) After all that, and handling some day to day demands, he only had a short time to rest and get ready for the meeting.

This time, I was going along to watch and be supportive, even though, legally I live in the township, not the city and have no say in the issue officially. We entered the court room where the work session was going on, and JS put his name in to speak.

Once they got to the topic we were interested in, the council members discussed the options on the table - 1) Do nothing, leave things as they were, 2) Do the pilot project (which was not well defined), or 3) study these issues as part of the update to the Comprehensive Plan which was already in progress. After a few minutes, the Mayor started calling the people who had applied to speak.

There were several others who spoke strongly against rushing things without more input from the community - essentially suggesting adoption of option 3. Two of the strongest speakers were neighbors who had been in the area for over 30 years. They would not have come to make their case without the calls that my husband made.

Then it was his turn. JS walked up and announced that he had questions to ask first. The council members all looked stricken and the mayor explained that the format did not allow for debate, just a statement. So he carefully turned those issues around and made a strong case for allowng the market to adjust naturally instead of letting the landlords change longstanding rules designed to promote harmony in the neighborhoods. He spoke as a landlord and a resident and seemed to make points with the council.

After a few more speakers, including one landlord, the council went back into discussion mode. One by one the council members expressed their thoughts. It became clear that they did not want the public to think they rushed through the changes, even though several wanted to find ways to incent the landlords to continue to invest in the city.

When it was over, we were surprised to find that the battle was done. Nothing is going to happen in the immediate future. But the war is still on the horizon.

I wonder how this reluctant warrior will face that challenge. I have faith he will do the right thing. No matter how crazy it makes him. I like his kind of crazy.

Men are okay, but God bless my girlfriends!

Thank heavens for girlfriends. They keep me sane, give me perspective, make me laugh, make me cry, inspire me, encourage me and support me.

I did not always have girlfriends to turn to easily. I grew up in South Carolina and lived there through college where I made several lifetime friends. I see them when I get back down there and it feels as if I never left.

But then I was offered a job in Chattanooga, TN and off I went to join corporate America in the days when the Data Processing world (later known as Information Technology), was full of men. There were a few women with whom I did get friendly, but most of the marketing people, technical leaders and customers were men.

Men who wanted to tell me that they were in the industry while I was still wearing diapers, who put the system software on the removable drive in the corner to protect it before they let me do work, who teased me mercilessly and taught me a lot. We went to lunch, we talked about our families, and we were friendly acquaintances, but I did not have much time to make new girlfriends.

The move to Michigan after I became engaged made it harder to keep up with the college friends and took me away from the new ones in Tennessee. I felt rather isolated, but I had work to keep me busy.

In fact, my life was soon so busy working full time, having two kids, running the household, that I did not know what I was missing. Until I decided to simplify life by asking to work part time. Fortunately, I had a sensitive female manager who went to bat for me and got the request approved. I had time to exercise and joined a tennis class at the local health club.

At first I was just thrilled to have time to exercise during the day instead of  rushing to some aerobics class right after work and struggling to shake off the pressures of the day and follow the leader through the series of steps. My game started to improve and I started to realize that the ladies around me were wonderful, caring individuals who shared the challenges I faced - and had a lot of answers! They knew the ins and outs of helping my kids navigate the rough waters of the local school system, how to deal with the neighborhood association and where to find everything in town. We bonded on the court and off.

About the time my children finished high school, I decided to rejoin the local theatre community. I had been in the chorus of a few local musicals when I first moved to Michigan, but had dropped out after my son was born. Going back after all these years was terrifying, but as soon as I walked in, a lovely woman came over to welcome me back. I did not get in that show, but the next time, I got a part and joined the local theatre family.

After ten years working with multiple community theatres on over 25 shows, I have many good friends, both male and female. I especially cherish the group who goes to lunch at a different place every Thursday. We span a few decades in age, represent a variety of backgrounds and careers (although educators and librarians are well-represented), and share a love for the dramatic arts. We do whatever it takes for the theatres - act, sing, dance, make costumes, build and paint sets, change the scenes, design and run props, run the lights and sound, sell tickets, usher, answer telephones, serve on the Board of Directors, etc. You name it, these ladies have done it. With a smile. And they have taught me a lot.

These wonderful strong women - my tennis friends, my theatre friends, and my lifetime friends from college - embraced me and supported me through all the changes in recent years - divorce and involuntary retirement and all the adjustments that came with it. They listened when I needed a sympathetic ear, they hugged me when I need a boost, they enjoyed all the crazy on-line dating stories, they made me laugh and they celebrated with me when love found me. 

That was in the form of my husband (since June 2nd, 2012)who brought with him a group of friends he had been hanging out with for over 30 years, self-named the 'Stoneheads,' after an old favorite restaurant, The Stonehouse. For one of our early dates, he brought me to their annual Holiday Progressive dinner, which stirred some interest among these folks to whom he had sworn he would never again get involved (in writing on a napkin which they later produced!) These wonderful people embraced me right away and have included me in future get togethers such as the girls' party today to discuss Women's Lib and what we have all experienced. Again, I am lucky to have these ladies to share with and from whom to learn about life.

Thank God for the girlfriends I have been blessed to know! I love you all!